I don’t know what it is about me sometimes. I wish love would find me soon. Yet, I hate it too. It might be because of the whole trust and afraid it could break since I’m so paranoid about it. I’ve been single for the last several years, and at times I think it gives me a chance to learn from the relationships I see before me. I hate giving advice to girls who don’t think love won’t find them, because inside I don’t even believe love will ever find me. So why should I give them the benefit of a doubt? I know, because I care about them. I hate seeing girls cry because a guy has done something to make this happen to them. So I sit here on my bed, thinking of romance and junk. Again…
I’ve been watching the first season The Vampire Diaries for the past three days. Just ended Disk 2 and I’ll start 3 tomorrow. Watching these episodes makes me think about the reasons why I even fell in love with the show in the first place. We know it wasn’t the blood and killings. The hot guys could be a plus to watching it, but it’s not the real reason why I fell in love with it. Elena fell in love with Stefan, who was a stone-cold killer. A vampire. Stefan has physically and mental differences than Elena. So in other words, I fell in love with the show, not because I wanted to be Elena’s place. I want to find somebody who won’t be afraid of me. I know the wheelchair looks scary, but let’s get serious here, the only thing I could do is run over your feet.
I’m bad at this whole “love” thing but I’m getting tired of being jealous of girls I know, hanging out with their boyfriends constantly. I’m waiting for my friend to tell me, “well when you’re in a relationship you’ll understand.” My reply in my head is always, “I’m going to need one big miracle first.” I don’t want to go back to hating myself again. Depression hurts when you’re talking about love and everything like that. I’m not a fan of love or being jealous. I just want to be content. I definitely don’t want to continue to hate men for the rest of my life either, because they’re just too gorgeous to give up. I hate being paranoid all the time too. I think trust with people in general will always be there for me. I may not always believe in love for me, but as a nice person that I am, I will believe for other people.
You may not think you deserve to be loved, but you do. You shouldn’t hide who you are. Somebody will embrace your awkwardness, craziness, or whatever you have. You are NOT weird. You’re just different. If you dream of a husband/wife somebody in your life than one day you’ll get one. Somebody will accept your past and will work on the future with you. You will find peace and happiness with somebody. You will finally feel comfortable to be around somebody and they will truly love you back. I know you wish all this would arrive quicker. So do I. Because I am getting tired of telling to keep believing. Nah, I’m just kidding. It’s because I care for you. If you need more reasons to believe, then I recommend you listen to Halestorm’s album, The Strange Cases Of… and you’ll understand why I’m starting to believe a little. I hope one day you do too. ❤