Erasing The Iris.

I’m on my third drawing and I’m feeling like it could be my last. I’m not even kidding. I’m just starting on it and I think I was getting too cocky yesterday. The entire head and nose were the only things that are starting to take shape and hopefully I don’t have to erase any part of the nose because I know if I do, I’m not going to be able to make it as good as when I first started. I’m actually kind of happy about his skull and the size of it, even though I think his mouth is really going to be the hardest part to figure out. I am at my third picture and my past two pictures only had the right eye in the drawings, this one has both and I can’t take one out because the dude has a mohawk. That would probably be the easiest part to draw and it isn’t in the picture I have.

I’m really worried about his eyes. I have to draw both eyes on him. I’ve attempted to about put both of them on four or five times. I was just starting it and thought to myself, “how in the world did I do that?” I got the nose and the outline of the eyes on the face. Then once I started shading the iris and everything that’s when it all went downhill. I even took a picture and send it to Facebook and I had erased that draft as well. I realized by the third round that I was too low from the boxes on my graphic that helps me figure out where everything is on each picture. I erased for the last time yesterday and raised them up and hoped for the best. The iris looks like crap and the shading of the eyes is going to be tricky.

Memories Of My First Prom

Today is the 19th, three years ago today was a start of an interesting, but hectic Saturday. It was prom weekend. My first ever prom to go to and the night before was spent worrying about everybody’s grips about, the gym that the Grand March would be taking place at. Since I was on the Prom Steering Committee, you had to help put everything together. Which is a bit difficult since I’m in a wheelchair. I felt bad just having to watch. Even though I did help some by getting more scissors and tape. I didn’t stay the whole time since it hurts if I stay up in my chair longer than I have to. Considering I was up at the school for more than eight hours but around 9 o’clock I wanted to go home. The whole day and evening was probably the most stressful thing to be apart of in the entire world. It surprises how much people can get on your nerves and so quickly too.

The 19th was the day, and my Aunt Laurie came down for the special day of both of her nieces go to prom. My cousin Kristi and I were in the same grade and were both on Prom Steering Committee, so anything that happened after that night she told me about and took pictures of everything. We got ready at our nana’s house and I think we were both exhausted, she might’ve been more tired than me since I think everybody wasn’t released by 11 o’clock at night. We got our hair done at the house and while we were relaxing before we had to get our dresses on we sat outside chatting about how nervous we were and about how everybody was acting after I had left. I think we left putting on the dresses and make-up last-minute. Because I remember kind of rushing and everybody getting kind of sad about the fact we were both Juniors in high school, getting ready for our first prom.

When we got up to the school. We had to wait outside and I think it was kind of raining just a bit. Junior prom was a lot different from Senior prom. I didn’t exactly have a date. I wanted, well had to, go down Grand March. I remember weeks before getting very upset because I didn’t have a date to walk me down. My friend that I would sit with at lunch came up with an idea. Her and her boyfriend at the time came up with this little plan. She told me that got on the discussion about me just wanting someone to walk me down Grand March so he agreed to do it. When she came up and told me this earlier within the week I was kind of shocked. It was really sweet for them to think about it. I remember staying outside wondering when they’d get there at the school. My mom went and bought him a flower for him. I was very nervous how this was going to work.

When it was finally to get lined up, my friend Nathan and his girlfriend were already inside the gym for Grand March since our elevator was on the opposite side of the gym, we had to go through the entrance doors like going to a game. We were sitting there waiting to get this show on the road. Well before my mom had left me to get a seat she left me my phone and this was before we put velcro on the back of the phone and on my foot rest so I wouldn’t have to worry about losing my phone. Since I had a long dress on, I had the ends tangled up in my right foot and I had put my phone on my foot rest, hoping for the best that it was stay there. Well then I was told I had to go inside the gym and apparently my phone slipped off.

One of the people who was left to make sure everything was in place and he comes after us, which turned into five of us. One of the parents was standing up there with us, and luckily I knew them before when the guy came around I got a good look of the phone he had and moved my ends of my dress to notice my phone is gone. So I told my friend’s mom, that it was my phone he had in his hand. That was one of the most embarrassing things ever. Once I got it back I was back to square one and I didn’t know where to put it so she offered to keep it in her purse since she was staying for the prom. I was thinking, “thank god!” Grand March started at I think 6:30 and Senior and Junior student councils were to walk first which meant my friend and her boyfriend were one of the firsts to go. I knew where I was supposed to be but my walker wasn’t there yet. He apparently was running back to walk with me. Picture this for second, me and my hot pink wheelchair and coral dress, and this really tall dude walking with me. I had to turn down my speed on my chair and luckily for the both of us I didn’t run him over.

Once inside the middle school gym aka our main place to be. Some people were already in there trying to find their seats and taking pictures. This was the part I was unsure about. When I got up to my table I found out my mom and I were sitting at the same table as the guy I had a big crush on at the time and his girlfriend were sitting at. Imagine everybody at my table, they were a mix of different people you wouldn’t expect to sit together. The added awkwardness of my mom sitting at our table was just the tip of the iceberg. I wasn’t embarrassed about it, however I did feel bad for everybody at the table, but I’m sure even without her there it would have been weird anyways. I was very proud of her not making a scene and said respectful things for the most part. Because that’s all you need is your mother causing your night just blow up in flames.

After dinner, it was the time to dance and take even more embarrassing pictures of ourselves. One of the things I wanted was to get my picture with the Junior group. I’ve seen these pictures with past grades and it always looked nice and fun thing to do. Junior year I remember two of my friends coming up to get me so we could all do this and get back to dancing. After it was finished, my cousin and I got our picture together. I think I took over 100+ pictures that night. I don’t remember when prom actually ended, but I remember going outside so my mom get the bag of my clothes so I could change. After that we were ready for round two, post prom.

Post Prom was the second fun part for some. It was the better thing to do than drink alcohol and have sex. I remember eating a lot during post prom. At prom, for dinner it was comfort stuff, but that also meant it was liable to be very messy too. There was a good percentage of us girls who didn’t eat a lot at prom. If you went to post prom, you were allowed to wear shorts, jeans, and sweatpants. Getting those dirty weren’t so much of a big deal as getting your dress stained. I had a lot of sweets. A lot of chocolate. Finally had something with caffeine since you were only allowed to have either lemonade, sweet tea, or water during prom. We went up to the high school gym, where Grand March was and it wasn’t any traces of that’s where it took place. They had a inflatable bull on one end and a bunch of guys playing basketball. I remember telling my mom, “did they ever run out of energy?” Because the ones who were playing were the ones who danced the most.

I think we left a little after post prom started. I was very tired and I was going to need lots of sleep by Monday came along. Since around that time our winter’s sucked and took away our snow days, especially the one on that Monday after prom. I remember going back to school with hardly any sleep and everybody looked like crap. We were all just dragging. Even the teachers that had helped build everything and stay after, they were even dragging to the floor. It was a fun experience though. I would definitely not do that year after, but Senior year I would. Knowing that it was going to be my last year to do this, and wearing a dress that I didn’t hate after buying it. Senior prom night was just an idea I’d do, go with a friend of mine, walking with her during Grand March, not having my mom there to feet me and do things for me. It was just weird, but fun. I don’t know I just liked that prom better.

No Roads Left But One…

I’m in my thinking mode so forgive me if this post kind of makes you sad. I was just thinking about my sister and I. When we were younger, we use to get into little fights and we were at each other’s throats pretty much. When she started middle school, especially around 8th grade, I don’t know what happened to me. I was a Junior and I remembered the things I hated when I was at that age, and when she got to that age I started embracing the style and music that she was starting to like as well. When she was a freshman in high school, my protective side over her was at the top. I hated the fact all these guys that were around my age were pretty much falling for her. Over the years, the guys don’t seem to give up so quick. She tells us all the time she doesn’t like the attention. I don’t blame her.

Something I was just thinking though, and it might because of the show I was watching earlier on TLC called “Child Frozen In Time” and it was about an 16-year-old girl who didn’t age. She’s stuck in a 7-8 month old’s body. She can’t speak or weak, but she can scoot on the floor. She has to be watched over by everybody, but she has two older sisters and a younger sister. I look at my life and I’m proud to say I’m getting use to this life and accepting it. I was watching this and thinking about my sister and I, and how everything has been over the years. Emily has had to do a lot of things over the years for me. She can finally lift me from the floor to my chair. Even though I’m accepting my life, I am worried to pieces after my parents are gone. Where will I go?

I don’t want Emily to take care of me because I don’t want to ruin anything especially in the relationships area. I don’t know what God has in store for me as far as relationships, marriage, and kids. I don’t know if their in my future, I would hope they were, because it would help with getting me secured and knowing my sister wouldn’t have to take on that lifestyle of taking care of me. Not like I’d know she wouldn’t do good at it. I just don’t want to ruin anything to make her resentful. My life has some difficult things that come along with it. I’ve got to be thankful that I can do things, like grip and carry things with my feet, I have to be grateful that I’m not so dependable on others for everything. I’m one of those people who doesn’t usually ask for help, because I like to independence of being able to do things on my own. Sometimes it’s better to do it yourself.

I like how I think about this three days before my sister’s first prom. That is my mom’s job to be sad over this and I’m the one that’s sad. Lovely. I’ll probably be bawling my eyes out when she walks down Grand March. It’s even crazier that at the end of May, she’ll turn into a Senior and have to get Senior Pictures. It will be the 2 year mark for me of being a high school graduate. I’m just thinking about it way too much. It’s a lot to think about. It’s better to think about your future or somebody else’s future rather than past. So I’m making some progress there. It’s really scary to have a talk with my nana and we get on the subject of what if she decides to go to college far away? She’s not going to get anywhere by staying here. There’s nothing here. We just have to sit back and watch what happens. What God wants us to do. Which road we decide to take.

Something To Think About.

How is your luck? Are you one of those who get good luck all the time or most of the time? Do you get a lot of bad luck? Sometimes I notice people hoping to catch some luck by making a wish at 11:11 or finding a four-leaf cover. I’m one of those people who try to wish at 11:11 either at day or at night. My luck is always judged by what the day brings. Sometimes I wish I had better than I do, but I don’t. Sometimes I’m okay with the luck I have too. I don’t want to have good luck all the time. I’ll turn cocky that way, and nobody wants a friend that is cocky. If you’re always having good luck and you’re not being cocky about it. Good for you.

I feel like for certain people good luck comes easier for them. I don’t know what they do to deserve that luck because sometimes they don’t deserve it. Some people don’t deserve good luck. My luck to me is in the middle between good and bad. Most of the time, I am fine with having it that way. Having both lucks is actually good. If you have bad luck most of the time, you never expect to have good luck and it kind of freaks you out. At least everytime I get good luck without expecting it is kind of weird. I’m either getting use to having the semi good and bad luck kind of life. or I just don’t care anymore. If I go from having a couple of bad days and notice “wow, this is a good day.” Almost like I don’t deserve it. Do we deserve good luck at all?

Album Review: Train’s “California 37”

Today is Tuesday, so got a new album out. Train’s new album, California 37 is finally out! If you get the Sirius XM channels in your car, like with us we get them on our TV’s and if any of you guys listened to The Pulse, Train went on their and played track by track and I listened in and loved every song. I decided to do a review today instead of when they do the preview. I didn’t know if you guys would believe me of not. They are back to their roots and sound just as good as 2009, when they released, Save Me, San Francisco.

Since I heard it the other week, I instant discovered my favorites. Everybody knows, “Drive By” and that’s still my favorite and it hasn’t gotten old yet. My other favorites, this one that’s playing in my headphones right now. “50 Ways To Say Goodbye” it sounds like a good song to be played on Dancing With The Stars, I think especially if something did the Paso. My other favorites are, “Feels Good At First,” Mermaid,” “You Can Finally Meet My Mom,” and the title track “California 37.” The last two songs are very unique. “You Can Finally Meet My Mom” is about Pat’s wife finally being able to his mom, since she died before they could meet. The title track has kind of hip hop feel to it. Something I have never heard from Train before. It’s something new for them.

They have some slower songs, “We Were Made For This” and “When The Fog Rolls In” are probably the only two slow tracks on the album. Both are very pretty and you can hear everything that’s in the songs. They have a song called, “Sing Together” and they originally didn’t want another song with a Ukulele in it after the success of “Hey, Soul Sister” but they decided to have two songs with it. A song called, “Bruises” has a female singer on it, named Ashley Monroe. Very interesting song! Everybody should get the new album.

Whispers In My Head

On Wednesday, I started work on my second drawing. I went out-of-order a little. When I was working on my Reid drawing, I was getting frustrated with myself and got very discouraged early on in the process of it. I thought the two-year break was the biggest mistake ever and I didn’t think it was going to turn out all that well. Everybody’s biggest critic is themselves, sadly I get too into worrying about it. Sometimes you worry about things will never happen. That’s what happened. I over thought about the details it needed and just the overall picture was enough to show, I had done a good job on it. It is now in a frame and it is a lot darker than it was when I took the picture that’s on here. Everything I had worried about on it, wasn’t as bad as I thought. I love how it turned out.

Like I said at the top, I went out-of-order. I wanted to do a drawing that was going to put some of the pressure I had when I was drawing Mike Shinoda’s in school. When I started drawing his portrait, I was very worried (like always) because out of the six members of Linkin Park. Mike’s was the only one that really mattered to me. I kind of blame doing Mike’s fourth to the reason why Chester and Rob’s look awful. After I did Mike’s I probably could have stopped and sometimes I wish I did. I hope I don’t regret drawing Nikki Sixx second because he is a big inspiration to me. So I’m a little worried it will jeopardize my other drawings. I’m more talking about the Guns N Roses, Motley Crue, and Sixx:A.M. drawings I have planned up in my head.

Since I had Nikki’s drawing done. I have decided to go back to my original plan of just only drawing the guys of My Darkest Days for right now. I have my next picture lined up and the next dude I will drawing is Sal Costa. What is really interesting about these pictures is that both Reid and Sal’s picturing I’m going off of are from the “Move Your Body” music video. I’ve watched that music video too many times to not want to find stills of the guys I couldn’t keep my eyes off of (even it was difficult to do with all the women in the video) and so far they’re the only two I want to draw from that music video. I want to find pictures of Matt and Brendan from the “Casual Sex” music video. Which is going to be difficult from the obvious. I already have a great picture of Doug, so he is good.

I don’t want to over do it or think too far ahead, but I kind of have ideas swirling around of other bands to draw after I get done with all four bands. I am thinking of drawing the guys of Nickelback. Love them a lot, so I think I can find great pictures of them. Hopefully I’ll find some fans sometime and get some individual pictures of the guys from them. Because that’s how I found good individual pictures of Dj Ashba and Mick Mars. Even though I hate asking for help, sometimes when you say, you’re drawing so and so, they give you the best. Thank you for that by the way. I was thinking about drawing Adam Levine and Blake Shelton, just because I think they’re adorable and since I can’t watch The Voice I can look at these drawings all the time. No, I was kidding!

If Your Child Or Adult Had Fatal Disease Would You Kill Them?

I was watching Dr. Phil today, and before I started watching the episode. I went and read the description and was immediately hooked to it already. It read, “a woman wants the right to euthanize her severely disabled offspring.” Since I am handicapped, any topic that has to deal with people and children like me. It hits too close to home. Even though its different diseases than mine, I still felt awful somebody, like a parent would even consider it. If I had a fatal disease like they did, I would NOT want to end my life and I wouldn’t want somebody to end my life either. It is murder on what she was even considering about. The doctor, lawyer or whatever he was giving her the idea that she could starve her kids, makes me sick. He was like an accomplice, because he gave her an idea and he should’ve just kept his mouth closed, but I know it’s his free will to say whatever he wants, but just think about these things first.

Both of her kids, are two different ages but fairly close in age too, but since both were diagnosed at the same time. They were both told what they had when the oldest was 8 and the youngest was 7 years old. Something I noticed as the episode kept going on, has the woman ever taken them to even see if they could see and/or hear at all? She kept saying, as because she wanted to end their lives. Even Dr. Phil said something about maybe when they get into a room where there’s sunshine, and she said, “they can’t see.” She didn’t know for sure. Nobody knows for sure! Sometimes you don’t have see or hear to feel better or less stressful. Something else that bugged me, if she didn’t even want them to be alive of because they are “suffering” and she’s perfectly fine with killing them, then why doesn’t she just move away? She’s obviously not thinking clearly.

God puts every person on this planet for a reason. Her adult children may look like their suffering, but they may not be at all. I look like I’m miserable when I’m struggling for something whether it’s high up or down low. But I don’t hate my life fully. I don’t like it at times, but it’s life. You’re not suppose to have a good day everyday. I’m a handicapped person, but I’d be pissed if I heard something bad about these adult kids were announced dead, by starvation. That would bug me. If she doesn’t know and can take them to other doctors just to see if they can see and/or hear, then she should. In parts of this, I’m very glad it is illegal to kill your children, or anybody for that matter. In a way, you can judge a person without being in their shoes. I don’t think she’s caring about them. If she was, she would go to any doctor to try to get some answers.