No Roads Left But One…

I’m in my thinking mode so forgive me if this post kind of makes you sad. I was just thinking about my sister and I. When we were younger, we use to get into little fights and we were at each other’s throats pretty much. When she started middle school, especially around 8th grade, I don’t know what happened to me. I was a Junior and I remembered the things I hated when I was at that age, and when she got to that age I started embracing the style and music that she was starting to like as well. When she was a freshman in high school, my protective side over her was at the top. I hated the fact all these guys that were around my age were pretty much falling for her. Over the years, the guys don’t seem to give up so quick. She tells us all the time she doesn’t like the attention. I don’t blame her.

Something I was just thinking though, and it might because of the show I was watching earlier on TLC called “Child Frozen In Time” and it was about an 16-year-old girl who didn’t age. She’s stuck in a 7-8 month old’s body. She can’t speak or weak, but she can scoot on the floor. She has to be watched over by everybody, but she has two older sisters and a younger sister. I look at my life and I’m proud to say I’m getting use to this life and accepting it. I was watching this and thinking about my sister and I, and how everything has been over the years. Emily has had to do a lot of things over the years for me. She can finally lift me from the floor to my chair. Even though I’m accepting my life, I am worried to pieces after my parents are gone. Where will I go?

I don’t want Emily to take care of me because I don’t want to ruin anything especially in the relationships area. I don’t know what God has in store for me as far as relationships, marriage, and kids. I don’t know if their in my future, I would hope they were, because it would help with getting me secured and knowing my sister wouldn’t have to take on that lifestyle of taking care of me. Not like I’d know she wouldn’t do good at it. I just don’t want to ruin anything to make her resentful. My life has some difficult things that come along with it. I’ve got to be thankful that I can do things, like grip and carry things with my feet, I have to be grateful that I’m not so dependable on others for everything. I’m one of those people who doesn’t usually ask for help, because I like to independence of being able to do things on my own. Sometimes it’s better to do it yourself.

I like how I think about this three days before my sister’s first prom. That is my mom’s job to be sad over this and I’m the one that’s sad. Lovely. I’ll probably be bawling my eyes out when she walks down Grand March. It’s even crazier that at the end of May, she’ll turn into a Senior and have to get Senior Pictures. It will be the 2 year mark for me of being a high school graduate. I’m just thinking about it way too much. It’s a lot to think about. It’s better to think about your future or somebody else’s future rather than past. So I’m making some progress there. It’s really scary to have a talk with my nana and we get on the subject of what if she decides to go to college far away? She’s not going to get anywhere by staying here. There’s nothing here. We just have to sit back and watch what happens. What God wants us to do. Which road we decide to take.

Something To Think About.

How is your luck? Are you one of those who get good luck all the time or most of the time? Do you get a lot of bad luck? Sometimes I notice people hoping to catch some luck by making a wish at 11:11 or finding a four-leaf cover. I’m one of those people who try to wish at 11:11 either at day or at night. My luck is always judged by what the day brings. Sometimes I wish I had better than I do, but I don’t. Sometimes I’m okay with the luck I have too. I don’t want to have good luck all the time. I’ll turn cocky that way, and nobody wants a friend that is cocky. If you’re always having good luck and you’re not being cocky about it. Good for you.

I feel like for certain people good luck comes easier for them. I don’t know what they do to deserve that luck because sometimes they don’t deserve it. Some people don’t deserve good luck. My luck to me is in the middle between good and bad. Most of the time, I am fine with having it that way. Having both lucks is actually good. If you have bad luck most of the time, you never expect to have good luck and it kind of freaks you out. At least everytime I get good luck without expecting it is kind of weird. I’m either getting use to having the semi good and bad luck kind of life. or I just don’t care anymore. If I go from having a couple of bad days and notice “wow, this is a good day.” Almost like I don’t deserve it. Do we deserve good luck at all?