Hello, it just turned noon here. I’m still sick, but the nose isn’t that bad today. I still sound like I’m talking from my nose though. But no pain in my throat or chest, I actually haven’t had much pain in neither one of those areas since Sunday so that’s good I guess. Despite my sickness, yesterday was one of my depressed days. I hate those. Especially when I’m sick. They don’t help me whatsoever but however you can hide it better when you’re sick. They think your eyes are just watering from the cough or sinus pressure. I can’t cry when I’m sick. If I was to do that I’d be gagging a lot and coughing and that’s not fun for me to do, because it always leads to something disgusting. So it’s not really worth it. I hate taking the medicine. One piece that I’m actually starting to like is the nose thingy. You stick up your nose and spray that stuff away. It’s got a really bad aftertaste but works wonders.
I got lots of sleep last night and this morning. I remember waking at 9am and noticing I was cold and I went to fix my blanket and when I did I looked over at the clock, and thought it’s too early, I’m going back to bed. There’s not many times where I will say that and actually do it. I went back to sleep and woke myself at 11:30am. I’m pretty proud of myself. I woke up to wanting to listen Lacey of Flyleaf’s song “Heavy Prey,” Lacuna Coil and In This Moment. (Trip The Darkness just came on!) Apparently I’m not over my metal mood today. Can you blame me though? It’s the best way to release anger I will say that. I’ll probably be on YouTube all day again. Especially since Lacuna Coil’s album gets released today. My day just got better for me didn’t it?
Tonight is just not my night. I’ve tried my hardest to keep my positive thoughts but everybody that I mostly talk is offline. I’m at a crosswords with something. I heard earlier this month during on one of our girl outings. One of the girl’s I graduated with had told me somebody else I went to school with was going off to the army, which I didn’t know about at all. I thought about it after she told me, well how do you like that? You finally get some piece of mind and something like that crushes everything you wanted. It wasn’t that he was going off to do something like this, it was the fact after so long of wanting to distance myself from everybody I had graduated with was growing up. People were getting married, having kids, transferring schools and now this. It was weird, but yet cool in a way. Then recently, my cousin decided to move up north and I got all upset about it. Anybody that usually moves up north never really comes back. I started to notice even more that I was getting depressed again. Everybody was actually leaving me behind. For some odd reason though, I felt good too because I had already began to push them away after we left graduation night.
Even though I saw few here and there at sport events, they would look over at me and I felt like oh, now you care? Awful how my mind works. It drove me nuts! Earlier, I got on my Facebook and saw I had an Events thingy, it had a “1” at the side. I actually thought it had to do with something Linkin Park wise since most of the members birthday’s are around the first three months of the year. So I didn’t think it would be anything else. I looked at it and it was going away party invite. My insides turned. I got invited to a party where the guy who was going away, was somebody who was always a character but yet a sweetheart. He was seriously growing up! It felt so weird! Mom told me I could go, but then I started thinking, do I really want to go? I’d see people I haven’t seen in almost two years. This confused me and pain in my stomach started to form. I really want to go, but I don’t want to be sitting by myself making small talk with different family members. I don’t know, I think I’m over thinking it. I could be over thinking it and it would be fine when I’d get there.