You Have To Be Mental To Accept Metal

Last night I watched something different from I’m use to. I watched a documentary on the music genre: Metal. It was called, Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey, and it was really good. I didn’t get to watch the beginning of it because I didn’t know it was on and if I had known I probably wouldn’t watch it if it was on the same time as my other shows, but the parts I did get to watch was pretty interesting. I’m a new Metal fan. I can listen to several bands, not all because some actually freak me out. Such as Slipknot. I can’t listen to them, but I do like Corey Taylor in Stone Sour, but I think it’s the masks that really freak me out. But what is interesting is that I like Hollywood Undead. They wear masks too, so what’s the difference right? I think I might know to explain this.

When I was younger, my friend Haley and I were always together, but one thing that kept us separate at times was our music choices. She liked the hardcore heavy metal bands. Even going into middle school, you could really tell our music tastes were different. She was into horror movies, goth clothing, and Slipknot. I liked the clothing, well some of it. I have an old fashioned mind. So I didn’t like odd things like that back then. Everything else freaked me out. It wasn’t until we both got into Avril Lavigne that I could see myself change. I started listening to Good Charlotte, Simple Plan and Evanescence around this time. This was around 2003-04. The people she hung around with were people my parents wouldn’t like in the future. Some they liked and the rest were just screwed from the get go. My judgement wasn’t always the best either unfortunately. However, over the years I have been getting better at keeping those thoughts away.

Since then, my music tastes have gotten bigger. I listen to everything, pretty much. The first rock I got into after a few years of staying away from it. I listened to a lot of Screamo. Like, Brokencyde, Drowning Pool, and Hollywood Undead. Around 2009, I got into Drowning Pool’s song, Bodies I was hooked to that song. The screams were amazing! Before long I wanted more music that sounded just like that. Then entered Linkin Park and that took over my musical tastes for one hell of a ride. They may not be at the top of my list right now, but they’re still there. I’ve been into more metal bands, one especially is Five Finger Death Punch. I got into them a little after I got into Linkin Park, my sister’s boyfriend at the time liked both bands and he was my bud so I respected his judgement on music so I listened to them and haven’t looked back since. After accepting FFDP, I started getting interested in other bands that if I listened to them earlier I would have looked the other way. I love Symphonic Rock music, Within Temptation, Evanescence, Nightwish, Xandria, and Lacuna Coil. I love these bands, and the women who sing these songs are excellent at what they do!

So after watching the documentary, I think I try to understand what these other heavy metal bands and when I do I try not to judge but I always have somebody doing that for me. It’s payback for things I’ve said about their music tastes, especially if it’s my parents doing the judging. I haven’t been the biggest supporter of their music back then. My mom was lucky she got me into Prince when she did because everything else that had to deal with rock was shit of luck with me back then. Now that I have this wide range of music flowing around me, I can listen to music I necessary hated back then. My mom has actually supported me with it, dad is another story. He has tried to get me to listen to music from the 80’s a long time ago, but since they judged everything I would listen to back then I thought I had every right to judge their’s. It sucks now that I have grinned everytime he makes of what I listen to now. I can listen to Motley Crue and some Guns N Roses now, but I think that’s as far as I’ll go. Mom’s tried Metallica on me, and it didn’t work. Apparently I have to open and ready for it. I was ready to accept Motley, because I was curious after listening to Sixx:A.M. I will always be surprised in what I will actually listen to.

Nobody’s The Same In This Society

I have a new Facebook page that I recently liked a few days ago. It’s called, “Beautiful and Bald Barbie! Let’s see if we can get it made,” It’s a really good thing that they’re doing. I know a lot of girls would love to see a doll with no hair. Cancer kids have it rough and especially when they see their family members, friends, and other people around them have hair and they might be in the beginning stages of losing their’s or have lost it altogether. It’s very sad for them. Lots of little girls play with dolls or bring them everywhere they go so they’re not alone. I don’t know what goes through minds as they look at everybody with hair.

Something I have always wished was a handicapped Barbie. Having a blonde or brunette Barbie was one thing, but knowing their made for what society accepts sucks. There has never been a real handicapped Barbie or a bald Barbie. Why not? Not everybody in today’s society is stick figured, blonde, and brunette. Everybody’s different. There are kids with cancer, physically disabled, mentally disabled, some are big (not trying to be mean), and some even like having unnatural hair colors. Even though I’ve seen Barbie’s with different colored hair, I still haven’t seen everything else I just listed. I may not be a little girl anymore, but if I was I’d still be mad that there’s still not a Barbie that looks somebody like me. I would love to see a bald Barbie and handicapped Barbie someday. Maybe society will finally understand that nobody is perfect. Nobody’s the same.

Click “Like” for Beautiful and Bald Barbie! Let’s see if we can get it made’s Facebook page! (:!/BeautifulandBaldBarbie


Wake Up Call

Two days after Christmas, I had a fit. I go through these every once in a while. It happens when I get aggravated at things in my life and everybody that is around me. I either go into a depression or want to move away. I tend to go back and forth between the two. The depression only lasts to a day or so. By the next day, something’s made me happy and I’m better. Well, the moving away part. I’ve wanted to move out on my own for a long time. When I was in high school, my parents had always told me that moving out would be a little hard to do. I would need 24 hour care. To others, they don’t need care. They’ll go off to college and have a roommate. In my case, I would have to have a nurse by my side 24 hours. In my mindset, when I get upset at the situations I see in front of me. I want to move away from it, but when I get mad about these things everybody makes me think of things I’m going to need to do those things. I don’t hang out with my friends anymore. When I did though, I felt like a burden on them because they had to do everything, well mostly. Same with my parents, I feel bad and especially whenever I bring it up because it doesn’t seem to go well as I’ve tried to plan it in my head.

When I went to my mom’s work on Sunday, I got a taste of what my life would’ve been like. However, lots of these people are older. Some of the younger ones, go to group homes. Parents or families have dropped them off. I hate that. It literally tears my heart out. I’ve met somebody whose had that life. I wouldn’t know what to do if that was me. I’m young. I like to stay up late, listen to my music loud and do what I want to do. If somebody ripped that away from me I’d be crushed. I already have trust issues with people. That would ruin anybody’s chances of getting anywhere near my trust. So in this case, going to my mom’s workplace was a wake up call. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how my life would be like staying at a place like that. I don’t know how much they get to experience as an average person would, but for me to be in their situation would scare me.

Something else that got me thinking was that I’m always afraid of not finding Mr. Right. I’ve got so much hate for every guy in my hometown that I’m worried that he’ll never come my way because I’m stuck here. I don’t want to meet anyone online on these dating sites because I’m an easy target for any con artist. I’ve seriously thought this through. But I’ve just thought about everything that could go wrong just for meeting somebody who seems charming. I don’t see myself meeting anybody new or old who is having second thoughts (haha!) and it might be because every guy around me has always rejected me over the years. It’s not healthy to think about it over and over, but it’s nothing different from thinking about your other half all night long. Mine has both sides, good and bad. I’ve tried to be patient. Waiting for God’s signal, but like with my drawings, these thoughts keep coming to me.