Be Original, Don’t Die A Copy

Being yourself is hard work. Especially if you don’t even know yourself. If you’re like me, you have lots and lots of insecurities. I have way too many of them. I hardly have confidence in myself and my emotions get trapped inside to the point where some nasty thoughts errupt. You can’t be yourself and follow others at the same. I wish I knew that in school. Everybody wanted me to be a certain way and I down right hated it. Yet I didn’t know how I would act if I had to choice anyways. I would second guess myself and let people get the best of me. I hated everytime somebody told me I couldn’t do something. I mean, how do they know how to do things? I gave up a lot of things for my insecurities. Who knew feeling like a failure would suck so much?

Recently I’ve discovered something. A bit of confidence I guess you could say. Several months ago I changed my Twitter username back to @gotmeghan, after it was something random, but sweet. The reason why I liked it so much is because I’m like a small brand. I use it for most of my URL’s. Twitter and this blog. Then I changed my name on Twitter. I didn’t want my last name on their and I wanted my nickname and actual name so I combined them. I put “Meg(z)han” as my full name. I liked it and it was exactly what I wanted. It was original and nobody had it, that I know of. So now I’ve got a second brand. My signature on my phone is that and my Facebook Page is no longer “Got Meghan’s Blog” it is now “Meg(z)han’s Blog.” I can’t change my URL on here because of the “(z)” part.

Castle Walls

“Everyone thinks that I have it all
But it’s so empty living behind these castle walls
These castle walls
If I should tumble if I should fall
Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls
There’s no-one here at all, behind these castle walls”
– Castle Walls, T.I. featuring Christina Aguilera

I live for the weekends. It’s mostly Saturday’s that I like the most. Mostly I go over to my grandparents house for lunch with mom and Emily. We’ve always done this since I was a teenager or younger. I can’t really remember how far back it goes. We always had fun whether it was arguing back and forth or just laughing our butts off about crazy shit. It didn’t matter, but since with the family drama that happened it hasn’t been the same. My mom also got another job. So I’m at home all the time. Sometimes I’m fine with it and then there’s days where I want to be anywhere but there. I’ve stopped complaining about it because of my parents. I feel bad for making them feel bad. I say I’m greatful for Twitter and my blog for a reason. It gives me a reason to escape somewhat. Then I have music which hardly does the trick anymore. I’ve stopped expecting people to help me get out once in awhile. I’ve stopped talking to a bunch of people who use to give me lots of joy in my life and I’ve just stopped everything that had to deal with them. Which is good for me. Because I guess it shows they were never here for me at all. Only when they were comfortable I guess.