Safe

I didn’t start listening to hard rock until 2009 and the first song I bought was “Bodies” by Drowning Pool. I had that song on repeat on my iPod and played it everywhere I went. On the bus or at home. But I was always afraid of what people would say about my “new” choice of music. I’d listen to Rap music before and had a few CD’s that were uncensdored. I was still afraid that somebody would get mad because of the words. In 2009 I was 17 years old about to turn 18. Yet I was still afraid to listen to things that weren’t as bad as what other people told you about. Unless you took some of the lyrics offensive that was your problem.

A child is suppose to play it safe, not a young 20 year old. I run this blog and get pretty personal in some of my posts. In those posts I have to make them into password protected posts. Which is a release in a way, but it doesn’t really help everything out of it. If it’s a post without a picture in it, I publish it and go on to another site. I don’t usually go back to it. In a protected post I overthink about it. Should I release everything and publish it to the public? It drives me crazy that I can’t post everything that I really feel without feeling like I’m going to be judged for what I said.

I’m not doing anything illegal, I’m just posting what I think to a site where people can read it off of. It’s not as bad as taking naked pictures of yourself in your bedroom. I use Twitter, Tumblr, and this blog to express myself. I mainly use Tumblr to express my picture side. This blog is all in text whereas Tumblr takes every feeling I have that day and I reblog it. Twitter is only a fraction of where I explode on. I’m actually getting tired of it to be honest with it. I want to keep it public but I feel myself going back to playing it safe because I have people from school following me and I’m getting tired of warning them that I’m not shy anymore and they just laugh it off. It’s even funnier when you have family members following you and you feel like you can’t really say what’s on your mind like you use to. It just makes crazy! I’m tired of playing it safe in everything I do.

Dog Lover

I am a Husky/Wolf lover. I’ve always had a thing for them since I was little. I’m not afraid to admit I have four or five Husky stuffed animals, this just ended up being the closest to me. Not like, my favorite but reachable. I love all of them the same. This one is the softest of all of them. I have two beanie baby Huskies and weird part is I got them at the same place, just different years.

My first was medium size stuffed animal. Our first time going up to Shriner’s and actually staying up there for more than a day was the day where I saw my first Husky toy. At Shriner’s there’s a place with offices on your way down to the elevators. They had a line of stuffed animals on the floor by the window. The second one was the Husky dog toy. I was happy but sad because I wasn’t allowed to have it.

After awhile at Shriner’s, my mom or dad told one of my favorite day nurses I had a thing for Huskies. She brought in a picture of her Husky, she let me keep the picture and we taped it on my foot pedal so I could always see it. I have that picture somewhere, no telling where it is though. I think around September or October I got a very interesting surprise from this nurse. Remember that stuffed animal I wasn’t allowed to have, well I told her about it and the next thing I knew it was mine. That’s one way to become a favorite.

A few years ago, probably either after or before I had my surgeries my family became babysitters almost. My dad’s friend had a husky mix and a wolf and they had pups. Dad’s friend said the female wouldn’t let them feed or something like that. So we ended up having close to maybe 12 or 16 pups in our kitchen. My sister and I were in LOVE with these little things. We all had favorites and we didn’t want to give them back to be sold. But we had to. A year later, dad’s friend came back to the house. Brought one of the grown up pups to the house. Emily and I had fun playing with such a big dog. Even though we were used to big dogs for some odd reason this one stumbed us.

After we moved into the house we live at now. Dad’s friend came over with a surprise for us. A puppy. I don’t really remember where Emily was but I had the puppy and he just loved me and I loved him back. Even after he peed on my bed. I still loved him. I didn’t want this one to leave at all. He had already fallen asleep on me twice and I just fell in love with it. Dad’s friend was just about to leave and I knew dad wasn’t ready for another dog yet. I bawled my eyes out and wasn’t happy about giving the puppy back because when I started crying it was like it didn’t want to leave either. He put his cute little head on my neck and rested it there. Then when somebody lifted him up he gave me a kiss. I still want that puppy even though I know it’s probably a giant now.