Just Accept It.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m handicapped and I’ve just learned to accept certain things quickly, but something has been inside me that I’ve loved to get out and hopefully make some sense. So I’m just going to go for it. I must be the only one in my fandom of Linkin Park that isn’t bashing Chester’s wife Talinda 24/7. I would love to go back in time to see if they did this when he was married to Samantha. I doubt it though, for some odd reason they seem to like her more than Talinda which is stupid in my book. They should like them both the same.

Should she not be a person because she’s married to him? She can’t go out without having somebody look at her and think, “is she Chester’s wife?” Lots of people hate her because how she’s married to Chester and yet there are some who adore her because she is gorgeous (which she is!) and she cares about other things that nobody wants to accept. Everybody wonders why does she get to speak at these things. Why shouldn’t she? Even though she’s married to him, she’s still a person. She can get a job and she can work, have a family, and be who she was before she married him.

I don’t understand why every fan wants to hate on the wives. What did they ever do to you beside marry your favorite musician? It’s crazy! It’s funny how a few people can get so mad about how they don’t want to answer they’re questions about their husbands band. I follow two wives of musicians. Talinda Bennington and Josie Stevens. At one time I did follow about four others. When I deleted the other account I didn’t follow the others on this one. I think I will always respect them. You should find some way to respect them because if you were in their shoes, that’s how you’d probably act too. We as fans can be fucking annoying. I know I am sometimes when I want to be, but I know when to keep my mouth shut.

If I saw one of my favorite singers or musicians I would get excited at first, but I wouldn’t say anything or go up to them. Everytime I watch something on TV and there’s a part on a interview or something somebody wanting their autograph or picture when they’re with their families just makes so mad. I think I’ve literally yelled at the TV once because of it. As much as you think you should take the oppurnity when you see it, I think you should just give them space. I think going to a concert and that’s it is just enough for me.

You Put Your Arms Around Me And I’m Home

I’m always up for making a fashion statement. I’m into dressing up and looking beautiful and convincing people I feel like it toom, even if half the time I’m faking it. This is a gorgeous dress, but to me even though it’s a wedding dress, it just looks like a regular dress. I love the top where it sparkles and the two layers at the bottom. If I wore this dress I better know how to walk, because the whole last layer would be ripped off by my wheels when I run over them. Could you see that at your wedding if you had my life?

I think last night I had a breakdown. I just let everything that I was feeling for this one guy and I let him get to me and I just exploded at my blog about how I felt for him. For as long as I can remember every guy I wanted rejected me. I keep telling myself to let them go, but my mind wants to bring one or two back in and everything I told myself the day before just goes downhill. I was done. I am done, but I’d like to wear a wedding dress sooner than later.

Words I Could Never Say

“I’m trying to find the reason to keep on keeping on.
But I can’t find one with you loving her.
I can act like I want, but I’ll never be enough.
I can try my hardest, but it will never pay off.
You will just keep sitting there with a smile on your face.
While I’m crying inside, my tears are the dreams inside keeping me up at night.”

I’m stuck. I like this guy and I kind of understand what my sister has to go through with love. I guess you could say I refuse to love, but that’s not true. It’s everytime I go to find somebody else that I really like, it just ends up being a big mistake. I hate it all. I was thinking of actually posting this on my Tumblr since nobody really reads that, but I think getting some advice about this is smart. I’d like nothing more but to be over him. I can get over everybody else, but he just has to stay inside the biggest part of my heart. To make things even worse (on my part) he has a girlfriend, I’m happy he’s happy, but I wish I was that girl that could make him happy. Instead I’m the sad sob sitting on my bed in the middle of the night not trying to cry. I’m just so done caring for a guy who doesn’t care about me. I’m not liking God’s plan of always bringing him back. He does have his sense of humor about things. Especially my love life that I don’t have. I don’t like praying about it, but I’m at the end of my rope.  So goodnight (: