Dreams Of Running

Last night I was going through some things and now that it’s a new day, I think it’s safe to say I’m over it. I did delete my facebook. I’ve managed to stay off it last night afterwards. This morning I did reactivite it, but after 5 minutes of doing that I deleted it again. I haven’t been on it since. Am I getting withdrawals? Oh yes, and I am fighting to stand my ground and get over it. Facebook is like a very annoying drug. Now that I am trying to get away from it that’s all I want. Sad to say, but I feel like a Facebook junkie.

That’s my last paragraph talking about last night and Facebook. Last night although that was the bad part of my night. I dreamt a good dream of something I’ve been waiting to do. I know I titled this, “Dreams Of Running” but for once I wasn’t running in this dream. Like a normal person would. I was in my wheelchair traveling around the U.S. and going through one town and city to another. I got tired of everybody in my hometown and I packed up things I needed in a backpack and left. In every city or town I got a throw away camera and kept every picture and made doubles of some and wrote letters and send pictures to my mom.

I pretty much ran away in my dream last night. One of those dreams where everything seems a lot easier there than doing it now. I know I can’t charge up my wheelchair myself or take myself to the bathroom either. One of the things that I freaked me out was that I visited the Grand Canyon. Knowing myself, I would never visit that place. No matter how cool people may say it is. I am deadly scared of heights and that would probably send me over the edge just a little. My journey ended after six months (that would never happen) and I went home.

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Goodbye Facebook, Hello Twitter!

WARNING: Language!

Tonight made me realize something. I have been depressed and always waiting for someone to do something with me. Tonight I felt so ignored by people I use to go to school with. Last game I went to a football game, only one teacher and a graduate came up to me and talked to me. As much as I enjoyed that night. Tonight sucked. It wasn’t because we lost our game. It was because I kept having little kids come up to me. Only one or two adults come to talk to me, but didn’t stay long to really chat. By the end of the game I made up my mind.

No more of this stupid shit. No more of waiting around for somebody to talk to me. I tried my best to get over it, but obviously I can’t do it. I even wanted to cry at the game because I felt so fucking lonely. I knew I couldn’t do that because I would have lost my temper and it wouldn’t have been pretty. I can’t take it being last to do anything with anybody. I hate feeling like I’m a burden to every single person.

I know there are people that understand. I talk to more people on my Twitter than anywhere else. Twitter and my blog is all I need. I will still continue to go to games but I am done watching and waiting for people to finally notice. By the time they do notice me, it’ll be too late. I felt so overwhelmed but it must have been from all the little girls from Cheer Clinlic and the annoying mothers behind me that were screaming their heads off for the football players. Between everybody and my patientance I was going to go crazy!

So I deleted my facebook. I am done with every single person who doesn’t talk to me like they use to. This isn’t for my family or my Twitter friends. I am getting sick of everybody. It’s a Friday, it’s suppose to be a good day for me. Of course it ended up in misery. Now however, I feel better knowing I don’t have to update my Facebook status and wonder who likes my status. Bye Facebook. Thank you for showing me who my real friends are, oh yeah. You didn’t do that Twitter did. So fuck you Facebook and a BIG fuck you to every person who thought you were my friend.